Ok so i saw kaiser_storm LJ and she did this picspam of Sho. It looked like fun and she said i can do it too so here i am giving it a try! My ichiban is Kamenashi Kazuya. It was to be expected since the first time i saw him, he captured my heart. lol. Just don't tell him that Jin is seeming to take up mind nowadays lol. Kame ur my #1! Ok, enought talking shit. I got these pics from various sources and i don't claim them. Credit to whoever. Now, let's go!
( My ichiban )

Tagged by kawaiikame

A. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
B. Tag seven people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it".

#1 Stick my tongue out for no reason (blame Jin and Yamapi!)
#2 Tend to space out alot which causes me to bump into random things
#3 I wanted to be a singer when i was younger (shock!)
#4 I get really grumpy when it's early in the morning or when i haven't eaten
#5 Even though i give out a 'i don't care' vibe, i get really happy when complimented
#6 I talk to myself all the time, sometimes in Japanese
#7 *thinks* i'm secretly in love?

I tag :
nori_chan412 , happypurinsu , fenery , bonniexbou , hyde_my_dreams , kk_me , silent_jing

I don't have many friends so those that i tagged, I'm sorry!

My oldest friend i can say confidently is Jennifer. I grew up with her and throughout the years we've lost contact and then get it back, only to lose it and then regain it. But right now, i'm in contact with her and she and I are not that close anymore. I think she is the only one of my friends that i've known for soooo long because everyone else i have on my contact list is 5-6 yrs going.

Dir en Grey in 2008. It was memorable to me because i got to see each one of them up close and personal, shake their hands and get their autographs. That was the best day of my life, seeing the band that i love, respect, admire and adore.

I think it depends on the person. Cuz we all human beings and woman cheat, just like men cheat. Who knows on actual numbers. As for the second question........................i've kissed people and not told anyone else. I wasn't in a relationship so i don't see a problem in kissing people and no i would not tell my best friend or even friends. Some things i just don't tell others.

So my week with Luecretia came to an end yesterday. I neglected to go on LJ because i didn't want to be rude towards her and we weren't at the crib much anyway. We went to Busch Gardens, Aquatica and Magic Kingdom. I feel like we went to more places but yea....that's pretty much it lol. We haven't seen each other since Otakon, which was two years ago. I really missed hanging out with her and i really missed having a friend by my side. Ever since i moved to Florida, it's just been my mom and I. Not that i mind. I prefer it that way actually but her coming here reminded me how much i missed being around my friends. It's good once and awhile. Luecretia loved it here so much she wants to come back for our birthdays. I told her it's a plan! But so much for our plan to go to Vegas lol. We'll see what happens with that cause as much as i would love to go with her, i was hoping to go with someone else. But like i always say, whatevere happens, happens.

School starts on wednesday. Damn school. I'm not nervous at all but i am afraid of being late cause i don't know where my classes are. I mentioned this before, i believe. I told my mom to let's go check the school today, but we both being lazy. Plus we have to move into our new apartment. We recieved the keys yesterday. This week is going to be so busy! Finally! lol. Well that's all for today, i'm going to watch Buzzer Beat. I'm two episodes behind and Naoki just walked in on his slut of a girlfriend kissing that dude! I actually prefer yamapi to be with that other girl, damn, what's her name? Anyway, she's cute and they look good together. I hope they end of together in the end!

OK, so school starts Wednesday August 26 and my first class starts at 9am. I don't know how i'll wake up before 9 when i get up at 11 nowadays. My first two classes that day will be introduction to Business and Management. With the same professer, in the same room, for three hours. What the hell was i thinking when i picked up these classes? Lol. Well, it's alright. I hate traveling from class to class anyway so i'll just make the most of it.

I paid my bills as well as my tuition bill. So now all i have to do is wait til classes start. I don't know if i feel nervous, excited or happy. Maybe just a combination of them all is what i'm feeling everytime i think about starting school again. It's a wondeful feeling really. I will give it my all!

Just got back from driving. I love it!I t's so addicting! I get better everytime i'm behind the wheel. i wish i can drive everyday.........will take some convincing so we'll see how that goes ^^ I also got my iphone a couple days back. FINALLY!!! It's loooooong overdo but it was so worth the wait. I'm in love~

What else can i say........? I have to remember to pay for my tuition and i saw the campus yesterday. It was HUGE! It was very intimidating.....being without a car will prove to be a challenge. That's how big that school is. I just hope my classes are in the same damn building for the day cause i wouldn't know what to do. Walk in the heat of Florida???? I'll melt lol.

I been getting into the fanfic fandom again..........and boy do i miss it. I got so attached to dramas but now....late at night when you just feel bored with nothing to do....why don't you just read some good porn lol. (What did you think i was going to say, huh?!) Akame......new to me but i'm loving it so far. I can picture them together so perfectly it's kinda scary. Now i'm wondering if i can muster the courage to hunt some Ohmiya fics BUT..........i'm still new to Arashi, getting more into their songs and stuff and even tho i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ohmiya......i can't yet read about em. Give me some time! お願いします!

Had an interesting conversation with someone who is dear to me.........she told me she was proud of me. I was telling her my plans and she said that's great. That she's proud of me! My heart swelled. I didn't know how to respond. So i said thank you, talking to you always makes me feel better. And that's the closest to the truth i can get with her. It's enough with what she said. It made me happy. HAPPY! I still can't believe that i can say that. it's like a dream really..........i hope i don't ever wake up if it is. ^__^

I wanted to make a post tomorrow but i cannot hold my anger in any longer and i need to vent.

I was watching the news.....spanish news and it came to my attention that some people don't want to support Juanes anymore just because he is going to perform in Cuba.  Now his so called fans are from Miami, therefore they are Cubans who left because of Castro. Now i understand they wouldn't want anything to do with Cuba as long as Castro still has his dictatorship there but that has nothing to do with Juanes. The man gotta make his money and he has fans there. So why should he deny his fans there who couldn't escape from Castro? It isn't his fault that Castro is sill in Cuba, nor can he change that fact. His 'fans' that don't wanna support him anymore just because he wants to perform there are not his fans. They are acting childish and by saying 'i don't wanna hear from Juanes ever again in my life' simply weren't his fans in the first place since they are so quick to not support him anymore. I love Juanes. His music i listen to on a regular basis and i don't give a rats ass where he performs, that will not change the fact that i'm his fan, who will support him no matter what.

Speaking of fans.............i have also learned recently that in Japan, when Kat-Tun's single of Lips came out last year, their fans refused to buy the single just because Kame had a solo in the beginning. Are you fucking kidding me? You call yourselves fans? A fan is someone who will support their band/artist no matter what they going thru and not turn their back on them. These people aren't fans. Just because kame had a solo, that doesn't mean you can't support Kat-Tun as a group. Believe or not he is one of the main vocalists. Get the fuck over it. People like that just piss me off. Just because I don't like Ueda, you think i wouldn't buy a single just because he has a solo in the beginning of a song? Yea right. I would still buy it regardless cause you know what? He's part of Kat-Tun and i will support them no matter who the fuck starts the song. I Like their music, and that's that. Regardless who sings first and shit. If you don't like the person, get the fuck over it. It's called being an adult. Now, i really didn't wanna bring up Mr. Brain but you know what? That was fucking ridiculus as well. So what if Kame had a role? That's going to make you not watch it? oh, please these people are acting so childish and i'm sick of it. He had a role because you know what? He's a damn good actor. He had a solo in the beginning of a song? He's a fucking good singer. Get over it people. I might be kame biased because he's the reason i got into Kat-Tun but i always. always think, when something like this happens, try to think like the people on the other side. But to me it's just childish and i can't see why the wouldn't support the drama. They are not fans.

This has nothing to do with so called fans, but since this has also been upsetting me, i will write it out.

I recently got into Tohoshiki. The korean band that sings in Japanese. Now JJ, JS and Mickey are filing for termination on their contract. It's sad that SM, their label, has been treating them like slaves. Their human beings who just so happen to be famous in Asia but that doesn't mean they don't need a break. And the money? Now im not sure about that but it seems to me like they haven't been getting paid like their suppose to? Jeez, they racking up so much money into SM, why can't they just give the boys what they want? They willing to lose them alltogether just because........of what? There's no reason to! It's crazy and sad and i hope the boys get what they been wanting all this time. To be treated like normal human beings. Cause that's what they are.

Now on a brighter note, i registered for classes yesterday so i am officially enrolled for the fall semester! I am taking four classes. All hard lol. At least the names alone is enough for me to get serious when classes start. I am striving to get an Honors diploma and i know it's tough but i will try my best! I am so happy. Happiness......is weird. I haven't known happiness in many, many yrs and here i am happy in just a few short weeks. This is the turning point in my life and i'm going to make the most of it!

I rarely have dreams with artists so i'm going to tell the dream i had last night with Akanishi Jin. I thought it was weird that i was dreaming about him......not that i minded but....he was the last person i thought i would dream about. But lemme just tell it.

I was invited to go back to my elemetary school, P.S. 62. They were participating in a play and they wanted me to be a part of it. So i went, sort of late and when i arrived, the play was already in full motion. Funny thing, there was no audience. We were just performing with the kids. I was asked to be a knight and so i got into the costume.

I don't remember when i noticed but Akanishi Jin was there.  Which was weird because obviously he never attended P.S. 62. I was surprised as hell. Why would he be in my old school of all places? Participating in a play with kids? The next thing i remember, we were on a break and i sat down next to this little girl who was singing 'Real Face'.  I started to sing along with her and i looked over to my left to find Jin seated a few feet away from me. I looked away smiling to myself and i stopped singing to ask the litlle girl a question.
"wow, so you like Kat-Tun"
"Yes"
"Did you know that Akanishi Jin is with us?"
"Yes"
"He's right there"
I point to my left and we both look to find him staring at us, grinning. We grin back at him and looked away to continue singing.

Next scene, the play is over and Jin was sitting with a bunch of other people my age in a small room. I quickly look into the room and i got the courage to go in and sit across from him. Some girl i don't know came into the room and sat on his lap. Which made me furious cause who is she to do that? There were no other chairs available but who cares? She could of stood standing. Another girl, who i knew, came in also and she looked around and asked to sit on my lap. I said fine as I really didn't care as i was concentrated on this rude girl who just sat on his lap. I thought he was too nice to say something to her. As the girl sat on my lap, Jin looked at me and smiled. I shrugged my shoulders and he did the same laughing. We didn't get to speak as a staff member came in to tell us we had to go to the kids and thank them for inviting us. So we all headed out and Jin was next to me the entire time as we walked out and down the hall into the gym. After we thanked the kids, a girl and i looked out the window to notice it was raining. Jin was standing by me when his phone rang. He walked away to take the call. He was saying where it was and that he'll be there soon. Jin comes over and stood between us and put one arm around the both of us. He said he had to go to a party but he had no shoes. We laughed at him and his phone rings again. He hands me his phone, takes off his jacket and i hand it back to him as he walked away. But not before i noticed it said Johnny san and i pressed talk. After a few moments he comes back between us putting his arm around each of us again. He mentioned he had no shoes again and the girl said Payless. I said it could be closed because it's past 11pm. I asked him where he was going and he told me to come along to the party. He had invited me! I was happy. The whole time he was there, i pressed my cheek against his and looked up slightly at him when i spoke so i could see his lips. He didn't seem to mind. In fact, his cheek was pressed against mine as well! He felt so soft......lols

His phone rings a third time and he walks away again and then some other girl comes asking if i wanted to go to a concert with her. I asked " who's playing?" She said Celine. I thought Celine Dion and immediately thought no way. But i told her i'll see and she left. Jin comes back and lookes at her saying "she's cute" I said, "Yea....." Then he said, "Ok. Gotta go" and he left in the direction of the exit. I hesitated before following him but when i went outside there was cops surrounding him! I yelled "What is this about?!" They said he was a pedophile. I shouted "Impossible!" They said they has been looking for him, for years. I looked at Jin, who looked so helpless and i yelled, "I'm Jin! Take me instead!" They looked at me, then looked at him and they uncoffed him. Jin shouted "No!" You're a girl!" "It's ok!" i said. "I'm tough!" I grabbed my sword and chopped off my hair. The cops seized my sword and handcuffed me. "It's ok," i told him smiling. He looked devasted as they threw me into the patrol van and locked my inside. I looked out the window as he stood frozen and then all of a sudden he shouted, "I can't let you do this!" And ran towards the van, to me. I woke up then, feeling i had rescued him! Hahahahahaha.

It was a funny dream and when i woke up i knew i had to write it all down before i forgot. But this is one of those dreams that i will never forget.

I Haven't posted in what seems like forever. Honestly.....i'm on LJ everyday but my life is just so boring lol. Boring but complicated and full of bullshit nonsense. So what made me update today? I just felt like typing everything out. As always things have not been going my way. But i'm slowly trying to fix that. I wanna mention of Katana......kosetsu is the name. It's a beautiful sword which i am in love with and i always have the urge to take it with me evrywhere i go lol. But i can't of course. It's on my mind everyday which seems like enough. I try to hold it everyday as well. May sounds weird but this sword is helping me out with something i'm going through in my life right now.....

I'm in New york and i wanna go back to school. I have already decided that i will enroll in Fall classes in Florida. I want to study in Finance. Let's hope that goes well *crosses fingers*

I also have the urge to get back into shape. So starting tomorrow, i'm going to run in the park again. I already looked up the weather and it's going to be extremly hot. I bought these new shorts in CHAMPS which i'm dying to wear and i'm going to get up real early in the morning and try to get it back into my regular routine.

Speaking of buying new stuff......i also bought this cute skirt and purple fishnet top that Nori chan suggested that i wear to the Hyde concert coming up. So i will wear that along with my boots, so the only thing i have to get now is stockings. And also buy the tickets of course lol.

We are not going to Japan no more this September.......besides us having no money, there's other things that have come across our way. I have waited this long to go so i know i can wait til next year when i know i will be going. I already got the signal lol. So now i will continue focusing on the job hunt and my job is to pay off all my debts so i can have a clear and stress free mind when i go to Japan. But for now, i will focus on the Hyde concert........................one step at a time. lol

I wanted to talk to someone...but truth is i honestly feel very alone. The one person i want to talk to. i think, doesn't wanna hear what i have to say. Another person i wanna tell hasn't seen me cry in years. I've been putting up a front since...since i've been back from Florida now that i think about it. I'm going back to Florida on the 12th of this month. Nori chan's bday...which im going to apologize again to her for missing her bday.

I've been holding my feelings inside for what seems like forever and i had to just let it all out cuz frankly i don't wanna cry. I've been strong enuff to hold it all in but im afraid one of these days i won't be able to anymore. So i decided to write here. I've been thinking why? Why do i feel this way? I don't have a job and i'm going crazy inside my house. Today is such a beautiful day and i wanna go out and just spend a day outside. But i have no money to just get on the train and walk around Manhattan. That just makes me more depressed. Last night i figured something else to my problem. That i thought was long buried but it seems it's not so. I haven't admitted it to myself yet so i don't wanna say it here.

September..........................the month that we planning on going to Japan. We want to make it to Gazette's last live. That is the only lil light inside me now cuz i don't know what else to hold on to. Going to Florida soon is going to make me happy i know it. So i'm going to be strong til the day i fly out and i can enjoy life again.

Konban wa,

I woke up this morning feeling terrible. Mentally. I was ready to be depressive all day...but i replied back to someone who.....i care about very much and the person relied back much to my surprise. We didn't talk much but those few moments made me feel like my old self. Much to my disappointment because i don't like having these feelings. Anyway, point being i got on my laptop and i applied to 4 jobs. I won't give up this job hunting because frankly i'm going insane staying home all the time. My friend Erika invited me to go clubbing this friday. Now i ain't no party person but it's going to be a gay club. Which i would go glady to. lolz. I've been wanting to go to a gay club ever since i saw Queer as Folk. So i think i will go. Get a chance to get the hell outta the house and maybe it will do me some good.

Til next time............Jaa ne

I don't wanna sound selfish or conceited...but i've been called beautiful, pretty, cute, sexy....by many people including the people i have gone out with. But this one time really stuck in my mind. This happened about a year ago. I got off the train and was walking towards my house. This guy taps me from behind and i stop and take off my headphones to listen to what he had to say. He told me i was very beautiful and he wanted to talk to me. I have never been approuched like that before so i told him thank you and that i was late to someone's house. I apologized to him. and continued on my way home. This is the best compliment i ever received because it was from a complete stranger and to this day it still leaves a big impact on me. 

I've been having a little adjustment problem since i've been back here. I don't know if it's because when i was in Florida i was so stress free and i was happy with my mom or it's just cuz being here sucks. I won't even begin to mention the first day i was here. My roommate is so childish and i can't wait til her ass leaves. Besides that giving me headaches, it's also the job factor. Truth is, there are just no jobs here availiable. You need a degree and all that nonsense, which i don't have. Yuni told me to not stress out so much so i'm listening to music to help me calm down. Which usually does the trick.

I began thinking of something else when i was texting my friend. She would never text me back and what pisses me off is that when i call her, she doesn't pick up. She don't text me back, she don't ever call me, so you know what? I just deleted her off my phone and also about 80% of my other contacts. They don't ever call me so why should i put all the effort into it? This seems a lil like deja vu........my contact list isn't made up of friends anymore...they made up of losers who i wouldn't want to speak to ever again. It's a relief really. To not speak to people who are just not worth my time anymore. I feel better

My last week in Florida...i'm kinda sad because i'll be leaving my mom. I got so use to staying here. But i have to go back to reality and face the hardships that await me in New york. I'm certainly not looking foward to that. But it's life, so what can i do?

I'm trying to devise a plan that will make Nori chan and i go to Japan this year. We really want to go and our taxes are not what we expected so that's a big drawback. Even if i do get a job sometime soon, Will they let me take a vacation when i just started working? But you know what...my dream is to go there. I've been wanting to go ever since i was 18 and this year i'm going to make it happen. No person has the right to rain on my dreams. Person or otherwise

This was too easy, i couldn't pass up answering this question lolz. Pride no doubt. My pride gets in the way of everything that i do. It's not intentional....it just happens lolz. After pride it will definitely be anger. I am usually a mean and hot tempered person and my anger can be fueled rather quickly....unfortunately. Those two are a part of my personality, therefore i commit these sins daily.  But if i would put them in order, next would be sloth., then lust, greed, envy and last gluttony. I wonder if any of my friends would dispute that......lolz

Well i feel better. I read this interview with Tatsurou, a first solo interview, and one part he spoke about how childish it is to think " why am i important to the world?" It wasn't that exact line but it was something to that effect. He thought that sometime in his life and he was pretty sure others have too. And i have. Certainly i have. Many times when i was younger and sometimes it creeps up on me even now. So i wondered....am i childish for thinking so? I won't say im mature, because i'm not. I can be at certain situations but im mostly myself. Which is loud and rude.....therefore does that make me childish? How did i get to this point lolz. This isn't what i wanted to write about. I'm happy. How can i get from being depressed two days ago, to being happy now? Music helped me alot of course. It always does.

My mom is taking me to Arabian Nights on friday for my birthday. But that's during the night time so i have no idea what we going to do in the morning and the afternoon. I guess it's a surprise. But i was asking my mom to take to the Mardi Gras parade on saturday. I read that Ne-yo was going to perform there, but in April. Kinda pissed me off cause i would of loved to see him perform. *shrugs* oh well.

Well that's it for today. I probably won't post til monday......bring with me some pictures ^^

It has been raining and a bit cold the last couple of days...fitting my mood perfectly. I hate this feeling of confusion and i also feel lost. I was feeling this way most of 2008 and starting the new year feeling like this again, doesn't give me much hope for the rest of the year. Everyone's telling me to be positive and i have been. But there's so much you can do when everything seems bleak to you. And to be honest no one is in my position therefore they shouldn't tell me what to feel. Last night i was feeling angry...frustrated to be in this position and i actually started to think why don't i just live here? In Florida............i hate Florida but you know what? What the fuck do i have back there in New york? Honestly....nothing. Friends and family are the only things keeping me back. But what will i have here? Nothing as well...shit i don't think I'm making any sense anymore and that's my cue to leave

Ok, so i've been here since the 10th and it's been nice. Hanging with my mom and not worrying about anything from my New York life. Last night my dad calls my mom but i pick up the phone. He tells he just landed in Miami. That seriously pissed me off. If anybody knows my history with my father, then you'd understand. I don't know if i'm mad he got the money to come here or if he's trying to get back with my mom. His excuse: I'm vising my parents. What a load of crap. I'll believe him if he just stays in Miami and doesn't try to come over here. That will make me happy. BUT! In any case, i went camera crazy yesterday. Taking pictures of the apartment and the dogs to send to my sister Nikki. I won't upload them all of course. Just a few.
( Pictures! )

Last Night i got to thinking. I put it in my head that i'm on vacation, when i really shouldn't be thinking like that. I got a major problem in my life and i need to figure it out. But.....then again, what can i do about it from miles and miles away? So, i'm at a loss at what to do. I guess for now, just think about the now. Otherwise i'll just stress even more and i already got enough of that. Well, i'll take more pics while the days go by, so that means....more pics! ^__^